I am impatient! I get easily vexed when my expected time frame of waiting for someone or something is violated or not met. However, my being impatient had taken a toll on me: I have not seen my dear friend for a long time since I decided not to meet her in Los Baños because she was very late; and I did not get a scholarship for graduate studies abroad because the secretariat was pissed off of my unrelenting persistence for updates, to name a few. Well, the latter is just hypothetical.
My emotional incapacity to resist the anxiety of waiting – no matter how I have tried of avoiding it – has remained a weakness that has still gotten a nerve on me. I am still as vulnerable as I have been despite my several attempts of conditioning my resolve to stand against this emotional discomfort or psychological prank.
Now it defies my faith! Since I submitted my application for a missionary posting in Indonesia on November 20, I cannot control the urge in me to check my mailbox every now and then to see if a reply from the receiver’s end is waiting there to be read. I know that it would take time to review my application before they can respond to it; but I just cannot help myself. In fact, even before I typed the last word of the preceding sentence my mind tells me to check my mailbox again. Oh boy, not again!
The Scriptures defines faith as believing on something you have not seen yet and dispose yourself to an absolute claim that you will receive it in God’s perfect time. With my apparent behavior on responding to that anxiety of waiting, I have just moved myself farther away from the essentials of faith. Yes, I admit that I am one of the doubting Thomases of my generation just like you are.
True to itself, however, the word change – being the only constant phenomenon in this planet – has sided in my attempt to bring the best of me while in the mode of waiting. Change has taught me to learn the value of patience more as a virtue advocated by the late President Benjamin Franklin than to one’s health. I learned that waiting is a natural process that will transform a person from a mere “stardust” into a gemstone that will radiate upon the multitudes of men and women who are still groping to understand the value of waiting. I am not there yet, but I think everyone who values patience the most is on his her way to becoming a shining gemstone that is worthy of emulation.
While in the process of waiting is a change that has been silently working within you. You may not know it happening but the change will soon shine outwardly as you meaningfully walk through the challenges of life with God.
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